Another week of NFL mediocrity: We’re coming out swinging like a triple-single Draymond for week 6
How was week 5? I could not get anything going. The wins were easy and the losses were like pulling teeth. In the case of the Lions, it was more like four simultaneously impacted wisdom teeth while under anesthesia. My other genius loser play forced me to suffer through four Taysom Hill touchdowns. He visited me on his mission, he took a nap on his third IPA. Go figure.
Week 6: Our new life
This week we delve into the semi-amateur world of collegiate athletics. The fan bases are passionate and the viewpoints are biased. Full disclosure, I am a University of Michigan homer. I won’t be posting any U of M plays. I lack objectivity when those stupid helmets take the field. At practice. In March.
NCAA
Alabama and Tennessee are lacing it up for a Saturday night pre-fraternity party appetizer. The skinny teenage college dudes in the stands will be wearing orange ties, pretending they can hold their liquor. The co-eds who survived a day of early morning cocktails will be shivering in their prom dresses. None of this will help either defense. Roll Tide, or Vols, either one is fine. OVER 60 (-110)
Wisconsin travels to East Lansing. Mel Tucker is offering every MSU fan attending the game a free iPhone, if they stay until its conclusion. Word is Michigan State committed to Lent a few months late this year and gave up defense. While noble, their sacrifice has done little for the football program. Draymond Green has not been dealing with it well. Jim Leonhard will expose this troubled squad. WISCONSIN -5 (-107)
NFL
Aaron Rodgers and the Packers rolled into the UK without a barber or an idea how to maneuver around a defensive lineman’s arms. Now, the logistically challenged cheese heads welcome the Jets of New York. Eddie Murphy thinks coming back to America may inspire this troop to kick an oblong shaped ball through an H. The Jets smoke and mirror show will go cold in Lambeau. GREEN BAY -7 (-110)
Nick Chubb demolishing defenses doesn’t always lead to wins for the Cleveland Browns. New England travels to the mistake by the lake after a BYE week, I mean following their game against Detroit. Bailey Zappe will face his first professional defense this Sunday. The jury is still out on this Patriots squad. The Browns need to stick to what they do best with Chubb and Kareem Hunt. BROWNS -2.5 (-113)
Seattle games have been fun. Touchdowns like flying fish whizzing by your head on the pier. The Arizona Cardinals have not brought the same intensity since Kyler was restricted to 20 hours of Fortnite a week. Ryan Gosling’s tenure in the desert seems to be drying up. SEATTLE (ML) +126
Dallas Cowboys ride into Lincoln Financial cashing in on an unlikely winning streak. Philadelphia is the last undefeated team. The Boys have changed their style of play and it is producing wins. I am a bit nervous about the health of the Philadelphia offensive line, especially against this Dallas defense. I expect the game to be a grinder between two rivals. UNDER 45.5 (-110)
Good luck to everyone, I am not a professional. Just a guy.